Monday, September 1, 2003

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A trip inside my sleep-deprived head

NOTE: the following is a re-creation of what was going on inside my brain my first night in Philadelphia at 2:00 AM and I couldn't sleep because I never sleep the first night in a hotel room because the pillows are just too damn big:

Zzzzz..... stupid fat pillows.... nuts, I missed Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on Tuesday.... didn't Glenn blog about possible variations on that show.... oh, yeah, Sorority Eye for the Straight Guy.... what kind of a name is Mad Pony for a blog anyway? I need a better name for mine.... maybe Drezner -- The Blog... no, that sucks....

Everyone's trying to spoof the Queer part of the show title.... Hey, wait, what about Jewish Eye for the Straight Goy!!! Five Jewish mothers take a goy and make him husband material for the surplus of single Jewish women out there..... now what would the skills of the Tribe's Fab Five be?.... ah, yes, here's the cast:

  • Sonja -- the fashion expert. "Why are you buying clothes retail at Lord & Taylor? Marshall's is having a sale right now, and I know the men's wear guy, he'll knock off another 10%."

  • Marsha -- the cooking expert. "You're too skinny for my Naomi, I can see that right away. Sit down and eat my brisket for the next two hours. Then we'll get rid of all the mayonnaise in the house."

  • Shirley -- the career expert. "OK, here are the medical school applications. Yes, you're a lawyer, that's nice, but not as nice as a doctor. Maybe a dentist."

  • Frieda -- the budget expert. "Why do you have the air conditioning on right now? Do you realize how much money that's costing you? A good fan is much cheaper, sonny."

  • Rose -- the culture/language expert. "Repeat after me -- 'chutzpah.' No, no, I want to see saliva spraying out of your mouth when you say it. You're driving me completely meshuggenah!!"
  • sigh... too bad Saturday Night Live doesn't accept unsolicited scripts.....

    Hmmm... Salma Hayek is hot, but ever since Kristin Davis' character on Sex and the City converted to Judaism, I've started to wonder how she'd look in that dream I have with the hot tub and the---- end of re-creation.

    [The hot tub and the what? You were just getting to the good part!!-ed. I'm editing. Oh, yes, good idea, that--ed.]

    posted by Dan on 09.01.03 at 01:24 AM


    Now this is a GREAT post my good man!

    posted by: John Lemon on 09.01.03 at 01:24 AM [permalink]

    A wonderful taste in ladies you have.

    posted by: Robert Tagorda on 09.01.03 at 01:24 AM [permalink]

    A friend of mine from Mississippi was visiting this weekeng, and he wants to pitch a show called "Redneck Eye for the Queer Guy".

    Possible topics:

    Baseball caps: Mesh or Cloth?
    Field dressing freshly killed game.
    Beagle accessories.
    Ford vs. Chevy.
    Mudflat treatments for your 4X4.
    Reloading ammunition: thrifty, or a waste of time?

    etc., etc., etc. . . .

    posted by: Twn on 09.01.03 at 01:24 AM [permalink]

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