Thursday, October 2, 2003

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Taking a break

Over the past week, I've discovered something very important: scandal-blogging is exhausting. My brain needs a brief diversion.

For all of you who need a break as well, let me warmly recommend a surreal site called Positive Movie Reviews, run by a friend of mine who shall remain nameless. Let me also warn you that the humor in the reviews is of a decidedly bizarre nature, and may not be appropriate for those of you with an emotional maturity greater than thirty years of age.

For a sample, here is an excerpt from a review of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace:

As a film critic, I think it's my job to tell it like it is, not to "get involved" in the process. After all, my readers expect balanced, tough-minded reviews that aren't tainted by some kind of behind-the-screen shenanigans. So in the interest of full disclosure, I am admitting here that I wrote a letter to George Lucas two years ago, when it first came through the grapevine that he was making a new Star Wars film, to give him my two cents' worth. What I wrote was basically that although it would be impossible to improve on Return of the Jedi, I had a few minor suggestions. First, play up the Ewok aspect, but change the Ewoks to some comically slow-witted species that speaks heavily accented English. Second, drop the Force mumbo-jumbo and the action and spend more time discussing the political economy of a galaxy far, far away, a long time ago. Third, for God's sake, don't skimp on the fart jokes this time! I can't say for sure whether my letter had an effect, and it's possible that Lucas would have come to these fine conclusions entirely on his own, but I want to point out at least for me, this movie satisfied all my wants and hopes.

Go check it out -- if you dare.

UPDATE: If movie reviews don't float your boat, go check out David Adesnik's literary deconstruction of the Harry Potter series. It turns out they're all about sex [So that's why fundamentalists don't like the series--ed.]

posted by Dan on 10.02.03 at 11:28 PM


Another good site for a somewhat skewed view of current movies is "The Editing Room" at Their Star Wars scripts are pretty good too, particularly The Phantom Menace...

As an example, Haley Joel Osment's last line in their version of the "Pay It Forward" script is "Erp! -- I see myself."

posted by: snellenr on 10.02.03 at 11:28 PM [permalink]

From his Beautiful Mind review:

"Working with his friends Potsie, Ralph Malph, and Chachi, Nash decides not to go for the blonde, and all of them get to dance with the less attractive woman until the Fonz comes in, hits the jukebox with one hand and the music stops. In this moment of stress, Nash has his first delusion, in which he sees Adam Smith with his penis in the mouth of the hot blonde, teaching him a valuable lesson about individual achievement."

Gold, absolute gold.

posted by: Nate on 10.02.03 at 11:28 PM [permalink]

In a bit of shameless self-promotion, I will drop a link to what I think is my only movie review, "Attack of the Clones".

I didn't like it.

Have a great weekend.

posted by: Tom Maguire on 10.02.03 at 11:28 PM [permalink]

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