Monday, June 7, 2004

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A very important post about.... Jennifer Lopez


I have no doubt that hundreds of tabloid writers and millions of Americans are salivating over Jennifer Lopez's third marriage -- this time to Latin crooner Marc Anthony. [There are other reasons millions of Americans might salivate over J. Lo--ed. You know my preferences when it comes to Latino film stars.]

Far be it for to deny Americans their God-given right to mock celebrities. However, since I've been defending American celebrities as of late, let me stick up for J. Lo's recent nuptials. Consider the following:

1) J. Lo's moving up the talent chain. This Bill Zwecker column in the Chicago Sun Times nicely encapsulates J Lo's romantic history:

first marriage -- waiter Ojani Noa
post-first marriage -- rapper Sean "P. Diddy" Combs
second marriage -- dancer/choreographer Cris Judd
post-second marriage -- actor Ben Affleck
third marriage -- actor/singer Marc Anthony

There is an encouraging trend here. With each successive relationship, J. Lo's beau seems to have an increasing amount of talent -- which presumably raises the level of mutual respect between Miss Lopez and her significant other. One can easily make the claim that Anthony is the best singer of the lot, but one could also say he's the best actor of the lot -- Anthony's one many film appearances include a lovely turn as the mute waiter in Big Night. Plus, it's not like Marc is going to be swept away only by J. Lo's beauty -- his previous marriage was to former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres

2) "Marcifer" have a lot in common. Turns out J. Lo and Anthony have known each other and been friends for more than a decade. Furthermore, as the Sun-Times story notes:

[T]he superstar's sister, WCBS-TV entertainment reporter Lynda Lopez... has said, "Jennifer and Marc's similar background, Puerto Rican culture and heritage, professional interests and approach to life" will bode well for a long-term "Marc-ifer" marriage. Lopez grew up in a poor, working-class neighborhood in the Bronx, and Anthony was raised in a similar New York neighborhood in East Harlem. Both stars share similar musical and film interests.

Maybe these two crazy kids have a future together.

3) Compare J. Lo with some of her peers. Consider the recent statements of some other women who aspire to achieve celebrity status in more than one artistic realm.

The Associated Press reports the following about singer/actor/dancer Janet Jackson:

Long before she exposed her right breast to the world during the Super Bowl halftime show, Janet Jackson says she had thoughts about sex.

"As I've gotten older, I've come to realize that I had a very active sexual mind at a very young age. I hope that doesn't sound bad," Jackson tells Blender magazine for its June/July issue....

"My first crush was on Barry Manilow. He performed on television, and I remember taping it. When no one was around, I used to kiss the screen."....

Now, Jackson says she expresses more grown-up urges through one of her alter egos, named Strawberry: "She's the most sexual of them all, the wildest."

The other character living inside her is Damita Jo, which is her middle name and the title of her latest album. Damita Jo, she says, is "a lot harsher, and quick to put you in your place."


Meanwhile, here's the latest on fashion designer/model/actress Paris Hilton, according to MSNBC's Kat Giantis:

Is there anything more demanding than being rich and famous? Not according to Paris Hilton, who complains to Entertainment Tonight (via the New York Post) that she's, like, suffered for her art. "We're in the middle of nowhere, like 45 minutes away from, like, civilization and it's, like, all real," the eloquent heiress says of filming "House of Wax" in Australia.

"It's, like, really cold and last night we were shooting at this sugar mill and it really smelled bad. And I didn't wear shoes, like, I don't know."

Continues the beleaguered Paris, "We're in the middle of nowhere and there's bugs everywhere. Everything's real. I'm actually running through a forest with bare feet -- it hurts. I've done my own stunts, like falling. I hurt my knee -- it was bleeding. But it looks good, so it's worth it."

4) J. Lo's marriage has already lasted longer than Britney Spears'.

By celebrity standards, Miss Lopez seems to have her head screwed on reasonably straight. We here at wish the newlywed couple the best of luck!

UPDATE: Kat Giantis has further details on the wedding itself, plus the following:

Optimistic British bookies are giving 3-1 odds that Jenthony will split by the end of the year, reports Reuters. They are also offering 10-1 odds that the star will eventually wed more times than Elizabeth Taylor, who tied the knot eight times with seven husbands. But while Jen may seem fickle in her affections, she still has a long way to go before she joins Liz in Hollywood's elite club of serial committers.

In fact, her three aisle walks can't compare to the likes of Zsa Zsa Gabor (married nine times, including one union that lasted just a day); Mickey Rooney (married eight times, once to statuesque beauty Ava Gardner); Lana Turner, Larry King, and Martha Raye (all married seven times); Gloria Swanson and Hedy Lamarr (married six times); Billy Bob Thornton and Martin Scorsese (married five times and counting); and Lorenzo Lamas, Melanie Griffith, and Christie Brinkley (all married four times and counting, though in Melanie's defense, she did marry Don Johnson twice).

posted by Dan on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM


Her next marriage ought to be to someone named "Luc."

You'll get it if you think for a minute.

posted by: david on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

You're a creepy dude DD.

posted by: Dutch on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

The marriage will probably be on the ropes within three months. Divorce papers may likely be filed before November’s election.

posted by: David Thomson on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

It's always good to see Dan take on the really tough issues that other political scientists avoid.

posted by: Pincher Martin on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

In keeping with this blog's general theme, let me say that I hope the happy couple is able to erect impenetrable protectionist barriers around their marriage, and drastically limit the outsourcing of their affection to others.

posted by: fingerowner on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

HA! Shit like this is why I keep coming here.

posted by: Jim on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

[sighing, shaking head]

posted by: Jacob T. Levy on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

It's nice to see Dan get back to some serious writing, instead of trolling for hits with those outsourcing posts.

posted by: Al on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

Spears' -- with an apostrophe. Spears has lasted 22 years on this fair earth. Spears' marriage lasted about that many hours.

(I would even argue for "Spears's," with the apostrophe-S, because one actually says "Spearses," pronouncing the extra S-sound, Gollum-like ... "Tasssty Spearses, my preciousss!")

I'm always impressed that Mrs. Drezner is so cool with the pin-ups fixation. Way to hang, Mrs. D.! Keep up the good work, Mr. D.!

posted by: Andy on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

One can easily make the claim that Anthony is the best singer of the lot, but one could also say he's the best actor of the lot -- Anthony's one film appearance was a lovely turn as the mute waiter in Big Night.

This Marc Anthony?

He's been in lots of films. I thought he was pretty good in Man on Fire.

posted by: MattJ on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

Dan: Please stop.

The possibilities for future posts on the celebrity set are just endless. You could go on for pages on the Kobe Bryant rape case alone. You could make the Drezner site "the world headquarters for hot reviews of celebrity apparel lines." You could even bring the whole blogosphere into disrepute with the mainstream press!

By the way, did you know that Janet Jackson has another personality that the AP didn't write about. This is Janette, an expert on tariff law and intellectual property, who STILL has a crush on Barry Manilow.

posted by: Zathras on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

J-Lo jumped the ass, er, shark, shortly after "Out of Sight" - her only good acting job to date.

posted by: Zach on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

Shouldn't that technically be "preferences when it comes to *Latina* film stars"?

posted by: Kevin on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

And I can't decide whether "Marcifer" is catchier than "Manifer."

posted by: Karl on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

Dear Dan,
Janthony's so pensive in the picture, all alone in the corner. What's she thinking about? Where she left her trousers?


posted by: Alice on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

I for one hope that Jennifer and Marc's marriage lasts far longer than the lifespan of the lackwit enterprise, Air America, which I think will be defunct by Nov. 3.

posted by: John Cunningham on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

To marry Don Johnson once might be considered unfortunate. To marry him twice is sheer carelessness. No defence!

posted by: Dave F on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

Jennifer Lopez has the profile of an unstable person: marrying too many times, not marrying the person she should have married, etc. SHE WILL BE SIMILAR TO MARILYN MONROE AND/OR ELIZ TAYLOR, which is UNHAPPY, lost, unfulfilled...j lo's marriage won't last BECAUSE she married on a rebound from the BENnifer connection...Marc can't bring her happiness; that is Self attained through spritual efforts.

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posted by: marya on 06.07.04 at 03:41 PM [permalink]

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