Wednesday, March 9, 2005
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Your surreal post of the day
I honestly don't know how to categorize this post. I'll just relay what the Associated Press has to say about Russell Crowe and Al Qaeda:
I'll leave it to my readers to figure out if this is a prime example of:
UPDATE: Hmmm.... maybe Al Qaeda wasn't behind this fiendish plot.
ANOTHER UPDATE: Readers are heartily encouraged to suggest which celebrity kidnappings would be the most likely to trigger "cultural destabilization" in the United States. Loyal reader B.A. suggests Oprah Winfrey. [What about Salma Hayek?--ed. Ms. Hayek has the distinction of being the celebrity most likely to culturally destabilize the hard-working staff at danieldrezner.com.]
posted by Dan on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM
Come to think of it, I really wouldn't know who to root for in this particular battle.posted by: norbizness on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Maybe we can see a sequel to "Beautiful Mind" called "Nutso Mind"
On the other hand, if he's even remotely correct: Dan, aren't you ever worried about your own safety if "iconographic Americans" are being kidnapped ?
How about Michael Moore, to exploit the red/blue split. PLUS If they wanted to mail him back in pieces, they'd spend their entire treasury on the postage.posted by: Peter Nolan on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Green Bay Packers general manager Ted Thompson, because if he were kidnapped Mike Sherman would be running the Packers' draft again. This would be a bad thing.posted by: Zathras on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Just a thought, what if they kidnapped Michael Jackson? What would the media do for the next two months? Talk about your cultural destabilization, we'd be bored stiff. Oh wait, they could kidnapp Martha Stewart, and probably have the same effect judging by the media compound outside her house trying to see in her windows.posted by: James on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
This isn't a laughing matter. Kidnapping a major celebrity would give the terrorists a great deal of media time and there would be hundreds of thousands or millions of fans who would go weak.posted by: The Lonewacko Blog on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Or they could start kidnapping especially hated celebrities and we could thank them. Imagine how much their coffers would overflow if they were to kidnap Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. Perhaps if they could take out Mark Burnett so that we would be rid of reality TV, too...
If Winfrey were kidnapped, we would convert millions of middle-aged Democrat women into warmongers in a fortnight.posted by: Klug on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
N.b. that Drezner didn't say Hayek's *kidnapping* would destabilize "the staff," but that *Hayek* would destabilize it/them/him.
If Salma goes missing, I'm pointing the finger at Ms. Drezner.posted by: Anderson on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Is Selma Hayek of Arab ancestry? Doesn't that make Dan's pining a little futile?posted by: Peter Nolan on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Kidnapping Mel Gibson would possibly lead to World War III, and there's nothing more destabilizing than WWIIIposted by: washerdreyer on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
The redoubtable Ms. Hayek is of Mexican ancestry. As to whether this makes Professor Drezner's pining any more realistic or not, I don't know.
She's a Lebanese father apparently...posted by: Peter Nolan on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
Cultural destablization?? Even if they kidnapped the entire hollywood establishment who would be missed?posted by: val on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
On Dan's behalf, I volunteer to "gather up" (I won't use the K word) Ms Hayek and bring her to him for questioning.
On the other hand, I just saw Penelope Cruz 2 days ago on Leno I think, and she's looking like she wants equal time to Salma (the lowest cut blouse ever -- my wife kept remarking on her "fixing herself").
Bonus feature: Apparently, Penelope and Salma are best friends, always together, so I'm offering a "two for one" special K.posted by: Fred M on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
I donï¿½t think that I was the only person.
I'm not particularly a keen Russell Crowe fan (though hey! he helped popularize Nash equilibria!) but that seems to indicate Crowe just thought it was really weird, and not that he was particularly special--and he happened to be the one for whom the G-men were particularly obvious, so he got made fun of a lot.
Al Qaeda's surprisingly deft sense of popular culture (remember, if the information is accurate, they wanted to kidnap Crowe before he won the Oscar).
You gotta wonder, sometimes, if "they"--or someone inspired by them--will wisen up to all the creatively horrible things they could do. . ..let's just hope not.posted by: Saheli on 03.09.05 at 10:28 AM [permalink]
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