No, no, no! The national sports would be "football" (soccer) and BASKETBALL. A sport that's actaully popular in Europe. Besides, baseball is boring! :)

What's herring doing on the list?

If we're thinking of Scandinavian advantages, how about blondes?

German Cars? Ugh. Most of the people with German cars have massive maintenance costs and quality problems. 10 years ago they were the best. But Mercedes and BMW have really let things slide.

If we have to pick from Europe, give me Scandinavian cars!

Dan, you'd be making a real contribution to transatlantic understanding if you'd make clear that America is bound to get the best of Europe without doing anything, as sooner or later the most talented Europeans wind up moving here. In exchange, Europe gets journalists like this Cohen fellow with a talent for staying awake through the whole of a soccer match. And from my point of view that's a very fair trade indeed.

and the scenery turkish

I would've guess the delights would be Turkish. :)

Or at least the Hash.

We'll probably get Italian government, Spanish beer, English food, American health care coverage, Scandinavian weather, Irish sexual mores, German policing.....

You no longer want a Scandaivanian car -- they are now owned by Ford and GM. What you want are the European versions of Japanese cars.

Polish vodka? Is he insane? Also California has better weather than Spain so I'm not trading.

Actually it sounds pretty good to me!

Definition of Heaven

Police are British
Mechanics are German
Chefs are French
Lovers are Italian
Organization provided by the Swiss

Definition of Hell

Police are German
Mechanics are French
Chefs are British
Lovers are Swiss
Organization provided by The Italians

Reminds me of an old joke that goes as follows.

Heaven is where:

The British are the policemen
The French are the cooks
The Germans are the engineer
The Swiss are the organizers
The Italians are the lovers

Hell is where:

The British are the cooks
The French are the engineers
The Germans are the policemen
The Swiss are the lovers
The Italians are the organizers

Looks like save_the_rustbelt had the same thought. Pretty odd timing, considering how long it's been since the original post was made.

Um, isn't this just a lame ripoff of a t-shirt?
Somebody put Cohen out of his misery.

I guess it's not considered plagiarism if the author is A. Nony Mous.

Years ago, for a bi-continental corporate presentation, we used the joke reported 3 messages before mine. To that we added "American tact" and "Canadian national coherence".

Eric:

Great minds work alike, and apparently within a minute of each other.

Re the joke above about "Hell is where the French are engineers," this is idiotic and uninformed, as French engineers are among the best in the world. Anyone who knows France and/or engineering knows this.

Arun:

It is a joke. J O K E.

The quickest way to tell if someone is out of touch with the U.S. is to ask them what the most popular sport is. It's only been about four decades since football passed baseball, but nooo, it's all Jacques Barzun, Bart Giamatti, George Will, and Roger Angell. Pardon me while I go puke.

My experience is French engineers are average at best. You get all the attitude and none of the work.

The best comparison is a 6 year old explaning Quantum Mechanics to Max Planck

It would seem to me that in Utopia, it's the GIRLS who would be Scandinavian, not the herring. Ask Tiger Woods, or this American.