Readers are warmly encouraged to imagine what such a letter would have to say in order to ratchet down tensions between Tehran and Washington.

That Valerie Plame was an Iranian mole?

Dear President Bush:

I believe the strain between our nations can be ameliorated if you come to Tehran to kiss my hairy a**.

Yours truly,

A

Given that the Iranians disclosed the existence of the letter, it's probably nothing more than a publicity stunt, recycling old rhetoric.

Perhaps he's just looking for an autographed photo?

"Dear George, I will trade you all our nuclear technology for a pair of working razors and a lesson on how to shave properly".

It's sad to see you're attracting more racist and moonbatty posters with your new associations, Professor.

My guess is A's helping us calibrate our missile coordinates for when A wants that instant tan. Don't worry, A, it will just feel like a tiny scratch... yeah.

Dear George:

As a fellow leader who has to answer to an electorate, I am looking for some advice. I could not fail to notice that, for many years, you maintained great popularity in your nation by identifying enemies and declaring your steadfast resolution against them. Your ratings really seemed to go up when you actually bated them and made them mad and stomp their feet.

But now, this does not seem to be working for you. I see you have 31% ratings. And I am worried. So. Seeing as your friend Karl Rove might need to leave the country to avoid prosecution, would you object if he provided me some advice?

Obviously, a resource as valuable as Karl Rove must come at some great price. And I know the only price you would accept from me is the termination of our nuclear program. This, I can never do. Else I would have the popularity ratings of that Jacques Chirac. But I believe I can achieve the same result in a manner acceptable to my people. How, you rightly ask?

I will announce the conversion of your advisor, Donald Rumsfeld, to Islam, and his immediate translation to our nuclear program. With his steady hand and ready grasp of reality, it will be some 30 years before we realize our nuclear dream. But his colorful talk -- much more to the point than that boring Osama fellow -- will keep our press entertained in the meantime. And it will look to be such a coup.

I know that this is an unusual step in diplomacy. But I understand this is much like what you did years ago, when you were the mullah of your basesball team. So what do you say, Mr. President Satan Bush. We do a trade?

Dear George,

You told us not to make nucular weapons, and we are not!

Instead, we are making nuclear weapons.

Yours,
A.

P.S.: If you can pronounce my name correctly, I will turn my country over to you.

Dear President Bush,

Since I'm fairly new to my job and you're six years deep, perhaps we could correspond for a while - you could mentor me on the subject of presidency. Then we could nail down a book deal and call it "Letters to a Young Fundamentalist President."

Holler back.
M.A.

Dear George

I thought you looked really sexy in your "Mission Accomplished" flight suit.

Regards

A-

To meet it's objective the letter need not ratchet down tensions between Tehran and Washington, mere move France to understand Iran is trying so that France will not support a UNSC resolution. Some oil for Jacques probably won't hurt either.

Dear George -

What's it like to be less popular in your country than I am in mine?

Best,

A.

ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.

Dear President Bush: I understand that you are a religious man. I am a religious man too. I have spent a great deal of time communing with the hidden imam, who is what you would call the messiah, and what we Muslims call the Mahdi.

He has very good news for you. He is going to reveal himself very soon and he will bring about the final judgment of mankind.

I have even better news for you. He wants to meet you. Please come to Tehran, by yourself, dressed in a plain white shroud, as you would if you where going to Mecca for the hadj. If you have not been circumcised, please do that before you come.

Allah akhbar
Your friend,
Mo

Dear Infidel:

I control my media and I have the support of your media. I will do what I damn well please. You want to stop me from procuring nuclear weapons? Are you willing to lose the Congress to do so? We will negotiate on my terms.

God is great.

Off topic: Any reaction from Dan to Mearsheimer and Walt's response to their critics?

http://www.lrb.co.uk/v28/n09/letters.html

The only thing Ahmadinejad can write to ease tensions is an announcement that the theocracy has been overthrown by James Madison-loving infidels.

Georgie,

You need me and I need you to stay relevant.

Yours,

Mo

Dear George,

It's all very simple. You must confess that 'God is God, and Mohammed is his prophet' and make Islam the state religion of the US. Iran will be happy to lend you sufficient Mullahs and Imans to speed the education of your idolatrous people into the true way.

Your friend,

Ahmadinejad

P.S. Having a woman in a position of State is a stink in the nostrils of the Prophet. Make her a cook and send a man to deal with us.

The note has been released to the media. Apparently it wasn't a love letter. :(

I win!

Reading between the lines it does indeed say, "kiss my hairy ..."

God, Mr A seems to suffer from verbal diahorrea. Maybe its better than verbal dyslexia, like W

Interesting that so much of this letter seems aimed at the domestic, religious Iranian audience, Ahmadinejad's base as it were.

I've already heard some commentary evaluating Ahmadinejad's communication as a foreign policy gambit, which it surely is. I don't think it is only that, however. I have no theory to explain this and offer no speculation, but would suggest this underlines how much we don't know about Iran's internal politics and Ahmadinejad's place in them.

Know that we have the letter's contents, it reveals two things. One, that the Iranians set us up, knowing the U.S. would "discard" the letter then use it as another excuse to explain deteriorating ties ("but we even wrote to Bush and he threw away the letter!"). Second, the Bush administration's approval ratings are so low now that the press criticizes every move, no matter what. A year ago the press would not have taken Condi to task (like they are now) for the way they treated the letter.

Bush's dismal approval ratings will make it increasingly difficult for him to govern.

Good old Mahmoud, what a card. Maybe he'll trip and fall down the stairs.

This Ahmedperson is totally delusional, thus dangerous. Liberal democracies have failed and people is rushing to God? He seems to have missed that these weak willed democracies militarily conquered Germany, Japan, Falklands and lately Iraq, and that the USSR collapsed more or less spontaneously and China has tacitly adopted liberal economy. How can these people make the same error of perception once and again? I presume that in the case of the Middle East, it must seem miraculous to these very weak and very poor countries that great Western democracies are paying them immense quantities of money. If not for God, why the West does not take the oil by force of arms, as they surely would do, but they pay yearly ransoms of billions to stinking powerless tribal sheikhs and analphabet mullahs? In my opinion, it is necessary to beat into these Ahmednothings some sense of reality.

This Ahmedperson is totally delusional, thus dangerous.

Yes, that's worrisome. Two of these delusional characters playing a game of chicken, and one of them is driving my country. And there's a fair chance that neither of them will back down. Bad news.

"The only thing Ahmadinejad can write to ease tensions is an announcement that the theocracy has been overthrown by James Madison-loving infidels."

Wait, are you talking about Iran or the Bush administration?

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