Friday, October 26, 2007

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I was in a nowhere job... going nowhere....

until I heard about the Robert Mugabe National School of Intelligence!!

Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe has launched an intelligence academy named after him, saying it would produce officers able to counter growing threats from Western powers, state media reported on Friday.

Mugabe, who has ruled Zimbabwe since independence from Britain in 1980, is fighting isolation from the West, which accuses him of human rights abuses and rigging elections and economic mismanagement....

"With the current unjustified demonization of Zimbabwe by Western powers, the role of intelligence in shaping foreign, security and economic policies become even more critical," the Herald newspaper quoted the president as saying at the launch of the Robert Mugabe National School of Intelligence near Harare....

The intelligence academy is also expected to train members of the army, police and operatives from other southern African countries.

Mugabe said Britain and the United States continued to try to destabilize Zimbabwe by working with "non-state actors" aimed at unseating his government.

"The important role of defending our country cannot be left to mediocre officers incapable of comprehending and analytically evaluating the operational environment to ensure that the sovereignty of our state is not only preserved, but enhanced," Mugabe said.

Request to commenters: please propose possible course names for the Robert Mugabe National School of Intelligence. Pedagogically, which courses should be required? What are the possible areas of concentration?

Hat tip: Blake Hounshell.

posted by Dan on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM


Seminar in Turning Successful Harvests into Famines 101

posted by: Randy Paul on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

I would assume that they would teach a course on Mugabe Efficiency Theory.

posted by: Jeff Westcott on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

This is Zimbabwe-appropriate:

How to Calculate Your Tuition: A Course in Advanced Mathematical Theory and Models

posted by: Sisyphus on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

I doubt the course will be offered, but it would probably do the country a lot of good:

Presidential Assassination 101

posted by: Deepish Thinker on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

...Now I have a good job. One where you can wear a tie.

posted by: C. Jones on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

'Peerless' Leader or 'Fearless' Leader: The Semiotics of Sucking Up

posted by: SK on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

Special courses, taught by Mr. Mugabe personally:

"How to Earn an Economics Degree and then Tank an entire Economy."

"How to Earn a Law Degree and then Subvert the Rule of Law."

"How to receive 16 Honorary Degrees for Freedom and then Bulldoze Human Rights."

"How to Develop a Social Determinist World-View, so you can Blame Failure on Everyone Else."

"How to Establish and Maintain a Marxist/Stalinist Government, complete with Politburo and Central Committee, in a World where they are Collapsing."

"How to, with No Money and no Fuel, acquire a Squadron of strafing Fighter Jets."

"How to Teach an Army to tell Farmers what to Grow."

"The Best Method to clean Grocery Store Shelves."

"How to Stand in Line."

"How to Form a Line for Food or Fuel, and then how to Get That Line into the Guinness World Record."

"How to Calculate Compounding Inflation beyond One Million Percent."

"How to Print, and Bankrupt a Nation, in One Easy Lesson."

But best of all:

"The Best Method of Proving Everyone Correct about Sub-Sahara Africa."

posted by: a Duoist on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

Close runner up for the Academy's name: "The Robert Mugabe Institutes for People Who Can't Do Economics Good and Want to Learn to Do Other Things Good Too"

posted by: Jason Welker on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

How about some music appreciation?

posted by: Mitchell Young on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

"Using Quadruple-Digit Inflation for Fun and Profit"

"How to Deploy Espionage Agents to Friendly Neighboring Countries by the Tens of Thousands: Disguise Them as Economic Refugees"

"'Intelligence' as a Western Hegemonic Construct Designed to Undermine Traditionally Superior Societies"

Come to think of it, that last one is probably already taught at some American colleges or universities.

posted by: Rick Sincere on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

"Topics in Physical Education: Club-Wielding"

"From AIDS to Zeus: Classics of Western Mythology"

posted by: Farinata on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

"Robert Mugabe"

"Intelligence: A Threat to National Intelligence"

"Pigs and Humans, Dining Together"

- JD

posted by: Jonathan on 10.26.07 at 02:00 PM [permalink]

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